New Game- Pandora Style!~

Hey there little poppyseeds! (Wouldn't it be strange if I called you that all the time?) So, I don't really know where this is going to go, but let's just hit gas and travel down this road that I've put you on! Here, we, go!

You guys don't know this, but I just spent two hours doing nothing....

I'm glad that classes are starting back up again, hopefully then I'll have some better material to write. But for now, I'm going to write about songs.

You see, I'm listening to Pandora, so for this game I'll say a few of my thoughts on the next five songs that come on! (I'm not good at making up games, but bear with me.) Hmm, what should I name this new awful game that I'll probably never play again??? I got it!

 

Pandora Pondering!

Hosted and answered by Kellie!

 

 

 

• Low, by Flo Rida. Okay, for one I don't know a whole lot of girls that like to be called "Shawty" so unless that's her name, please stop. Okay, this song is based at a strip club so if Shawty McHottie (You like her new name? I do.) is a professional then naturally it makes sense that she would "be getting low" and that you would pay her for her very tactful dancing. Ps, boots with fur and saggy sweat pants are really comfy, buuuut probably isn't what strippers wear.
• Stay With Me, by Sam Smith.  So this song sounds and has the words of a whiney teenager's diary. Sam's voice is EXTREMELY child like! He's begging this girl that he had a one night stand with to stay with him because he thinks they might have something more? He's right, he clearly isn't good at one night stands.
• I Knew You Were Trouble, by Taylor Swift. Sigh, Taylor you and I should really sit down and have a chat about your love life. I know I have problems, but at least I don't jump on every guy I see, especially not the ones that look like trouble. By the way, he broke your heart so you're laying on the cold hard ground? Girl, I would be in PJs on the sofa with a tube of Ben and Jerry's. At least you're never ever getting back together, right?
• Turn Down for What, by DJ Snake and Lil John. I'm not going to say that I dislike this song, because I don't...but have you ever seen the video? Don't! When I imagine this song I picture a club and the cops come in complaining about the noise and everyone is like, "turn down for what?" This song has a great club beat to it, but it only has ten words.....and four of them are in the title!
• Am I Wrong, by Nico and Vinz. I will admit, I dramatically sing this in the car. and I enjoy it. It's a nice song. Pretty much asking "am I wrong for thinking what I think?" He thought him and some girl would hit it off and they didn't and was he wrong for thinking this? no. But I have a question, did he steal Sam Smith's diary? Because it kind of sounds like it, just a little less....crying-ish.(new word, you like?)

Alright, that was five, although I don't know, I could probably keep going. I might have to play this game again, it was interesting. If there's a song you want me to share my thoughts on go ahead and comment. And if I offended your favorite song then I'm sorry, but really I'm not. My opinions. I hope you guys have a wonderful week. And hey, if you're ever listening to the radio or another music option like Pandora, try to actually listen to what you're hearing. I find it fascinating what we hear when we actually listen.



From my corner to your heart, K.

I'm not Okay.

There have been some things in my life. Things that I've done that I'm not proud of, things that I've hidden from people. Hidden from the people that I love. If you've read some of my other posts before you can see that this one is different. There's no funny or cute picture with a witty caption, there's no colored words. There's not even a title that I find humorous or punny. There's none of that right now, because this post, this one right here isn't like the others.

My posts are usually helpful, at least to some extant, and maybe this one will be too. I don't know. As I said earlier, there are some things that I'm not proud of that I've done. Secrets that I've kept. There are even lies that I've told to people.

All my life I've been told to hide my feelings because showing emotions like sadness is like showing a weakness. If you've seen the movie Frozen, the phrase "Conceal don't feel, don't let it show" may come to mind.

When people ask, "Are you okay?" or "Is there something the matter?" my response is ALWAYS "Yeah, I'm fine" or "Nope nothing" or some alike set of words.

The truth?

I'm not that okay, and frankly, I'm not fine. I'm terrified.

Of the future.

Of the unknown.

Of being rejected.

A while ago I typed about a break up that I had an although in that post I seemed semi-okay with it I really wasn't. I caught myself thinking thinks like, "Am I not good enough?" "What's wrong with me?" "What did I do wrong?"

Recently this guy took me to a school dance, everyone told me he wanted to be my boyfriend, so that entire night I was thinking, "Finally! I didn't screw up! Someone actually finds me attractive!" Long story short, we went to the dance and he spent the entire night with another girl.

It hurt. A lot.

I went home that night and my dad asked how everything went. I told him it went great and I had a lot of fun.

I went up to my room and silently bawled my eyes out.

I thought again what it was that I did wrong. Was I too modest? If I was more slutty would he like me? (Pardon my language)

Every time I see him those same questions burn in the back of my mind. But naturally I don't voice them.

I'm not "Okay" guys. I'm not even close.

I've written so many drafts of other posts that I want to give out but I never press that send button because I'm too worried thinking, "What if they don't like it?" I know it shouldn't matter, I mean I started this blog for fun, just to let my thoughts out.

Here's my thought know, I'm scared.

Friends say it's just a phase that I'll grow out of, but I'm not too sure.

The word Okay is defined as "satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good." so more or less a middle ground between good and bad. no man's land.

I'm thinking though, maybe I'm not okay right now, but maybe one day I will be. Heck, maybe one day I'll be Good. or Great even.

I guess the whole point is, not being okay is fine, as long as you know you're not okay. Does that make sense?

Like Schrodinger's (spelling?) cat. Right now the cat is you and you are both okay and not okay, and no one will know which you are until you show them. I think I just made that more confusing...

It's like you're nothing until you decide to be. Like right now I'm deciding to be not okay, at least until I can find something that makes me okay. Like a turning point in my life. A turning point for the better. And until I find that thing that turns me around I'm not okay?

So right now the focus shouldn't be on whether I'm okay or not, but on finding that thing that helps me move forward.

An object in motion stays in motion, and an object at rest stays at rest. So I'm in rest until a force moves me forward, my turning point.

That point could be anything! A person, a hobby, music, literature, classes, knowledge, the possibilities are endless.

What I'm trying to say in this long drawn out self-revelation is, eventually a force will effect you causing you to be Okay, or even better. You just have to find that force.

Maybe this was a helpful post after all.

From my corner to your heart, K